You should go check out Doing Time! He is so hilarious and honest to a fault. I love it. He makes me laugh. I am going to have to comment on his last post though and do a rebuttal for us women! (sorry I stole it, but I have so much to say I had to say it on my page). Here goes.....

Doing Time
TrulyDeep

Cosmo Ain't Got Shit On Me In my WWTD post, Cooter and Tammy had some questions about men, romance and that sort of thing. Well I've decided I'm going to let you ladies out there in on a few things. I'm going to tell you what men really do and don't want from a woman. Forget all the chick flicks, they were written by women or men that wished they were women. The movies give you false ideas about men, they make you think that's how relationships are supposed to work. If y'all were in charge of the world, I imagine that's how things would go, but you're not. So, I'm going to tell you how it really is. If you listen to me, you might actually come close to one of those "perfect" movie romances.

Ok, well let's see what you have to say.....

First let us discuss "Mr. Perfect". He doesn't exist. Well as far as your concerned he doesn't, he may be perfect in his own eyes, but he's not perfect in yours. Don't let him know that. Always and I mean always, look at him like he is. You may even eventually start to believe it yourself.

First - we know there is no "Mr. Perfect". We've looked all over and no one can find him. But just because we haven't found him yet, doesn't mean we are going to give up hope. Just in case we might run into him one day. And ALMOST ALL MEN THINK THAT THEY ARE PERFECT. We will never EVER believe they are. We might treat them like they are, but then we walk away rolling our eyes.

Second. Believe it or not, we do like an independent woman. We just don't want to hear about it. We want to feel needed. We need to feel needed. We want to be the guy you turn to when you need something moved, carried, opened or killed. When we're around be semi-helpless.

We are independent. It's you men that have a problem with that concept most of the time. Why should we lie to make you feel better. We do the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. etc. etc. If you men have to do it, that's when the food is burnt, your once white socks are now a light pink, and your favorite sweater now fits the little boy across the street. But I'll go with this.... whenever we ask you to do something, it's a 4 hour process before you ever get it done. So why ask you in the first place.

Third. It's OK to ask us out. We're in the 21st century for God's sake. We can accept some liberation. We're less likely to turn you down than you are to turn us down. It makes us feel desirable.

I'll agree with you on this one. We are just as capable as men are to come up with a date. And men hardly ever say no to a willing companion.

Fourth. Don't nag. Sometimes we are going to leave you at home, when we go out with the guys. Get used to it. If you complain, it's just going to make everything tense when we get home at 2:00am. You need the beauty sleep, we'll talk about it in the morning. Hopefully, by then you'll have forgotten the whole thing.

We don't have a problem with you going out with the guys. We only have a problem when you make plans with us, then change them. Or you don't tell us you're leaving until either 1) you whisper it as you're walking out, or 2) we run out after you and you have to tell us. Also, we will never forget something just because we've closed our eyes for a few hours. We retain that information like it's going to be a question of the test when we get to purgatory.

Fifth. Actually this should have been first. Sex. We will die without it. It's true. A man that has frequent orgasms is less likely to develop prostate cancer. So if you really did love us, you would save our lives by giving up a little more poonanny. I think five times a week is a good round number. Also feel free to be sexually aggressive. I don't mean whips and chains either, just make the first move once and a while. It makes us feel desirable.

I have a couple things for this one. 1 - If you needed it that bad, why do you come home at 2:00am. Like you said, we need our beauty sleep and we're not going to wake up at 2:00 am to make you feel good and screw up our sleep pattern. 2 - You would get a lot more accomplished on this one if you took a little more time too. If we got something out of it as well then 5 would be an easy number to reach. 3 - We do make the first more sometimes, but you guys never know it is a move.... "Honey, can you move please I can't see the TV"..."Why are you wearing my shirt"??....."What are you doing on the floor"??

Sixth. Don't nag. There's that damned deja vu all over again. When you start in on us, our senses automatically shut down, yet we can repeat your last 20 words, verbatim. While repeating your last 20 words we will figure out what you were talking about and have an answer for you.

Skip to number ELEVEN!!! Make up your mind. Should we tell you what is on our minds, or should we not. I'm not going to bother telling you what's wrong if you're going to turn on your woman conversation radar and activate your force field.

Seventh. Jealousy. A little is OK, a lot is not. If you see us staring at some sexpot on TV, don't get your panties in a bunch. We'll never meet her and if we do, we don't stand a chance. Jen is the only one that needs to worry. I can have any woman I want.

We wouldn't be so upset if you looked at us the same way you looked at them. You stare and drool at them like they are a pile of $1,000.00 bills and we are a roll of pennies. See the difference and see why we're hurt. I'd rather have the $1,000.00 bills too, but when the pennies have feelings you might want to watch how you look.

Eighth. Take care of yourself. No matter how fat and out of shape we get, you need to look good. Now I know the years puts a few pounds on everybody and I'm not talking about weight. I'm talking about make-up, hair, fashionable clothes and what ever else it is you ladies require. When we go out, other girls need to look at you, then us, and question what the hell is so special about us, that you still take the time to make yourself up.

The further we get in this list the more I realize we are really here to make you guys look, sound, and feel superior (or shall I say PERFECT). Remember, there is no Mr. Perfect. Now i might spend the time looking good so that I LOOK PERFECT, but trust me....it's more for my benefit, not yours. :) We do it so that guys look us and drool. Then you can know what jealousy is. Also, it's hard for you to complain about what we look like when you haven't taken a shower and smell of sweat. When you take as much time to care what you look like, then you can tell me that I look like a slob.

Ninth. Attention. We need lots of it, when we want it and none when we don't. It's up to you to know when.

Well, I can't tell when you need attention other than when your body (uhum) lets me know. So I'll just give you attention when I have time and if you don't want it then too bad cause between the dishes, clothes, dirt, dust, working, kids, shopping, and other misc things we do I don't have much other time to spare trying to find out if you need a little attention.

Tenth. The male ego. Treat it like a dick, stroke it once and a while. It's a big circle, the better you make us feel, the better we'll make you feel.

I've tried this one actually. It's not that way. The better I make you men feel (and this is not just my man, but his friends, my family, my co-workers, etc.) the more you expect me to keep doing it, and the more you question when I don't do it. I get a much better result from you guys when I just bat my lashes and wear low cut shirts.

Eleventh. Hints. We don't do hints. If you want something from us "Spit it out woman."

ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS! But, to add something. Have you ever thought that maybe we actually tell you what it is, but you could've ignored that part...... think about it....

Twelfth. Dinner. It needs to be warm and on the table when we come through the door. If for some reason it's not, our attention can be diverted by a little "afternoon delight".

Have nothing to say.

Thirteenth. You will never be as good a cook as our moms. Except my mom, everybody is a better cook than my mom.

I won't even try. I don't even cook the same things so it cannot be compared, but I should get an A for effort because you aren't in the kitchen on your feet trying to time everything right to get it all out at the same time. Us women know how hard that is. It took me a long time for that one. My man knows what it's like to get handed a plate of potatoes, and be told that the chicken will be ready in 15 minutes....

Fourteenth. Don't be a bitch. Don't say you're proud to be a bitch. Forget the word bitch. Men don't like bitches.

And women don't like assholes.... but that doesn't stop you guys from using every opportunity you can to say anything that comes to your mind.. let it be rude, crude or ignorant. So, when you're a sweet caring loving partner, I'll be a nice goddess.

Fifteenth. The penis. It's as fragile as our egos. Most of us saw our dads willys when we were very young. It looked huge compared to ours. That is stuck in our minds. It's never big enough. So lie to us once and a while. I suggest: "OH my God, you'll kill me with that thing. I never knew they could be so big."

NOT EVEN GOING TO GO THERE! See... that comes so easily out of your mouth, but it sounds rediculous to think about saying something like that. I just don't see myself doing it. Sorry.

Sixteenth. Don't insult us in front of our friends. If you do the relationship is going to eventually end.

Well, it's hard to be in front of your friends when they have probably heard every single night escapade we have had and they look at us like they know what we look like naked. But other than that, I would never insult you in front of your friends so I have nothing to say on this one.

Seventeenth. The remote control. It's ours.

Did you buy the TV. Did you call and order the Cable. Did you buy the batteries that are making that remote work. If you can answer yes to all three of those questions (ALL THREE) you can have the damned remote. I can find something more useful with my time.

Eighteenth. Don't ask us to watch some panty waisted show with you. We don't expect you to watch the lumberjack competition with us.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS A PANTY WAISTED SHOW! When I find out what that is, I'm sure I'll have a comment on that one.

Nineteenth. We don't want to hear about your ex. We don't even want to know you have an ex. We like to believe we were the first.

If you don't want to know, don't ask. I'll keep the illusion for you.

Twentieth. Tell us when the oil light come on in the car. Don't wait a week and tell us when the engine starts making a very loud knocking noise.

I can't disagree with you here if you know someone like this. I am not like this. I am usually paranoid with any sign my car is mad at me. If the road isn't smooth I get the tire pressure. I even have my own pressure gauge. So good luck if you have one of those types of women.

Twenty-first. Treat us like kings and we'll treat you like goddesses.

AGREED! If you can keep up with your end of the bargain.

I'm not saying you ladies should let a man get away with a bunch of shit. If he starts in with the shit, dump him. If he's an asshole, dump him. All I'm saying is if you'll make us feel special, we in turn, will treat you right.

And ladies, if you can find a man that doesn't do everything you want or need, that sounds normal to me. I haven't seen or heard of a man that does. I haven't met MR. PERFECT. I found a guy that is as close as can be for my needs. Every woman is different and as Eddie Murphy once said, "You need to find someone just as F*CKED UP as you are"!

Oh and give those nice guys a chance. I used to be one of them.